Happy New Year.

Ok. This is going to be the sister post to the one below. So if your not intrested just stop reading now. I am going to say here and now. Me putting how I felt that night here. Wasn't the smartest thing I have ever done. But I tend to not think when I come on here to post. This is my sounding broad. Alot of people forget I don't tell everyone everything. And up until I was questioned by about 4 people on what happened that night with that situation. I was fine with it. I was having it repeated that took me to a new level of aggervation. If this offends people. I'm sorry. But I shouldn't have to appolgize for how I feel.

Not everyone sees things from the outside. Or from my way. I get that. But. If it was the other way and it was my dad just not doing something for the oldest there. She would have gotten on him. And I know you would have felt snubbed and hurt. Now that I've had about a week to mull it over. I know why and I understand. But the first shocks of it. It did hurt. But unlike most. I can put off thinking about things till I can relax and honestly think about it. I truely for a week asked my self what did i do to piss her off till i came to the conclusion. That I'm 23 and I just at this point shouldn't exspect something for christmas. Its just a sunden change. With pretty much no warning. That's why the emotion on it was intense. That's why I said what I said. End of story. I've said my sorry and given you the why's if you can't respect me now. That's fine. I've honestly lived through worst.

I don't want to be a role model or someone people look up to. But. That's not my choice because of where I was born and always told. April you can't act that way. All the younger ones look up to you. If they see you do it. They will think its ok... ect.

So let me reitorate this. This is my sound broad for whatever. If I'm happy its happy. If I'm upset. Again you get what you get the post below. But I'm not going to keep dredgeing this up. What's done is done. Can't take it back and I wont take back typing it because it helped me get my fustration out. end of story.

-April

Merry Chirstmas.

Yeah FUCK THIS YEAR.

I had fun but god, I feel this happy mask cracking. HOW THE FUCK! Do you get a dog a gormet dog treat. BUT your neice. You completely forgt her. But no lets get your youngest niece, her dog, grandma, your sister and her husband, as well as my father something... but not me. Forget me. Its what you do best. I'm not pretty like the others... I'm not perfect like your anerxic children. I never will be. I'm nothing, I'm shit under your shoe. You've always looked down on me. I know it. I'm not stupid. But why should I expect something from anyone in this family anymore. These people... I was born into. My friends I've choosen here... Always let me down. And to top this all off. I have to work tomorrow. 12 to 10 possably 12 to 7 if aj doesn't forget to come in. Then I can wallow in self missery for a day. I'm just glad that bitch. No that isn't fair... She' my aunt and I love her. That woman. Can have a merry christmas.

-April

Updates...

So today i walked away from Walish Gooshe. I'm not sad or even upset. But I did notice. As soon as i looked at myself in the mirror after leaving everything seemed just brighter. My eyes smile all of it. So I must have done something right to actually be almost as glowly as one of thoughs Twilight Vamps. (jk i can't stand that book series. HARRY POTTER all the way!) I'm going to now have the time to work on my AFI vid for the contest and possably do a good job? lol ok its late i have work then family tomorrow. Then.. well then work again. I might hate jacks but at least its a check and I'm not paying to go out of my way for no pay. I will miss all my new co worker friends I've made. But I know I will see them again ( Still owe Kathrine for the room i forgot to give her the money before i left i had it and forgot like a stunade)

Oh well heading to bed Happy Holidays guys. Next Time I will be bringing drag queen joker with me for the viewing pleasure.

<3

-April

So.... Trying to get in the holiday mood... but it seem this years its going to be more of a emo song version of christmas... yule, whatever. So in the spirt of the season I bring a song.

i can't fucking believe this shit.

why the hell would you do that. honestly..... fucking dumb ass people.

(if you don't know its best you don't if you really want to know what this is about contact and i will tell you.)

Really thinking...

I don't think I want a  job with Walish Goohse. But some good things have happened from it. I might be getting a job with a girl i'm interning with to work on her magizine. At least the logo. I've made some great contacts and new friends so its not a bad thing. BUT Greg is an idiot with no idea on how to run his bussiness. 

Its basicly AJ in a diffrent ethnicity.

Also I'm sick, I'm tried and stupid fucking people call me to talk about stupid fucking things. I really could care less about. About people who hold no sway in my life anymore really. They left our lives and they don't want to admit it. That isn't my fault.

I just... I think I'm over alot of things.