LIke a Call

So Thursday is my last AFI show for a while (hopefully only tillt he next round of tours) my dad can't quiet understand why I am leaving at 6:30 in the morning to sit infront of the electric factory. But i know and that is all that matters. After this show I'm not sure how long I will be in NJ it may be a few weeks to an extrea month and leaving in January. Hopefully my dad gets this job through the temp agancy and I wont be worring about them so I can go stay with my mom for a while and get my life back on track.

I hate this feeling like i'm stuck in a tailspin and can't pull up. But at least with my mom I will get my chance at changing that. I want to go back to school I think. But i love painting too. Always have but not many see my work or when they do get it. BUt that's ok I like what i do and if i have a house or apratment fill with my junk in it when i die that will be fine. hopefully someone will like my work.

I know these posts are rambly at best but i really don't have a clear thought right now. I want to exsplore and see the world and with leaving i get a car. a means to freedom. to the open road. I think i need that even if its in NC. Atleast i can drive to see the Kup and Erica a new friend of mine only lives about 2 hours from my mom's 45 when she's home acording to my mom. Which is cool. I miss Nessa and she admited last night on the phone to me that she misses me as well. I hope everything goes as it should for her.

In other news. When did i turn modish? Bohemian eve? I can't stop listening to indie pop/rock and i just feel like how i dress is reflecting it more and more. When did i stop being a right little punk(all but the jacket i still wear pourdly) or a goth (ok i do still dress in black but now how i used to.) It amazes me what i find cute in fashion and all anymore. Maybe its something all 20 something's deal with. You know besides being almost 25 and still done nothing but graduate college but do nothing with it but work in liqour or curtains. And the possablity that i fucked up in picking what i went to college for and should i go back or just find a way to do it with out a education that has a degree and more shit attached to it then i need. can i put myself through that again? I don't know. I hope so until then i just keep pushing myself and working my way out toa sunnier coast. To the Golden State.

<3