So Jersey: One girl's tale from childhood to adulthood in the Gardenstate: Part 2

Curse of the Fallen soul.

I really don't remeber much about the two grandparents I lost at a young age. My grandmother was said to be well a hernias bitch is what my mom called her. And that was her own mother. I kinda hope I never get there. I've been there but gotten over it but i'm rambling I hope you all enjoy rambling. I'm going to do it alot. My pop pop well he loved me to death his only son's only daughter so I was kinda spoiled by him. If you remeber Teddy Rupsink the talking bear thing. I had about 5 of them because i kept ripping its mouth off in an attempt to either have it eat my finger, feed it or was just courius to why the damn bear was talking and moving its eyes at me in the first place. I'm pretty sure I broke one's eyes to so the thinkg would stop gawking at me at night.

None of that stuff how ever beat Netasha. She was my favotei toy and untill 5 years ago I had her with me.. I gave her to my mom when she left so she would have somone to look over her. I know dumb thing for a 20 year old at the time to say but. I really did believe it. I still do. That doll had been though the same war as I had. Every peek I had every bad break up or boy that hurt me. Netasha listened and never judged me just let me squeeze and cry. And honestly that's what I think we all need some times. I really should thank my grandparents for getting her for me. If they were still here.

Also my love of the marcabe comes from my grandmother's death I really believe this. My mother had to go and pick her coffin much like anyother kid I liked to wander away. They couldn't find me for almost two hours and later found me curled up at the bottom part of a coffin sleeping and hugging Netasha to me. (Told you she went every were with me.) From what I remeber which isn't much it was pretty comfortable, but toddlers can fall asleep anywere i'm told. And if I can sleep on this futon with all its metal bars digging onto my back I can see how I can pass out in a coffin. Its most likely more padded then this.

Its sad how I know of these peope but can't remember them. I often wonder if they would have been proud of me and all I've done or haven't. In what I did so far in my life. Its hard to gauge a grand parents reaction to things when your last surrviving one nothing is ever good enough for. At times I'm jealous of my older cousins that got to be with them longer know them more then I ever did. But we play the cards we get. Plus one of my grandparents wasn't even really it he didn't have to be a Pop Pop when I was little or even leave me anything when he died we weren't blood related. But he always treated me well. I kind of regreat never going to see him due to my mom's hate of him when he was just sitting in his wheel chair as a vegtable before he finally died.

I'm sorry Pop Pop.